“Yes, I love you! and No, You Can’t Always Have It Your Way!”

And he will turn he hearts of the fathers to the children, And the hearts of the children to their fathers, Lest I come and strike the earth with a curse.” Malachi 4:6 NKJV

Patrick Morley (founder of Man in the Mirror Ministries) compiled a list of tools for Fathers back in 2001. The first tool a father needs to use to raise healthy mature children is Affirmation. Part of the definition of effective affirmation included using the words, “Yes, I love you” and “No, you can’t always have it your way.”

The first part of the “I love you” needs to be both spoken with words and lived out in meaningful time together. Our children need to hear the words spoken into their ears so that it fills up their head of thoughts and overflows into the streams of living waters in their hearts.

The “I love you” gets hammered into place through the structure of time shared learning how love is acted out in relationships. The proof of love is in the pudding. For parents this will include teaching and living boundaries of what is okay to do and what is harmful to do. Because we love others, we don’t speak unkind words to them or about them. Because we love others, we use our hands to help others, not to hurt or harm them. Because we love our children, we say no to activities so that they can learn a good “yes” and a good “no”.

God the Father allowed His love for us to be “spoken in writing” in John 3:16, “For God so loved the world (that’s you and me and your neighbor, and our friends and enemies) that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believes in Him would not perish, but have everlasting life.” God the Father, also spoke directly to His Son at His baptism, “You are beloved Son in whom I am well pleased.” Jesus was encouraged by His father’s voice.

God also sent the Holy Spirit to remain within us. We have 24/7 direct access of time with the Father and Son through the Holy Spirit. We have the promise that He will never leave us nor forsake us.

So, the standard for Dad’s is to say “I love you” and to show what love looks like in action over time with people, including your children. What happens if your Dad only did one of these or neither one of them? Are you messed up for life? No, but you will need some help.

First, God will  become a Father to the fatherless. His love is a salve that pursues us and lets us know that we matter, that we are valuable to Him. “God demonstrated His on love for us in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us.” He also places us in His family which will have some good examples for us to follow. Not perfect, but they will demonstrate some of the “how to’s” that we missed along the way. If you haven’t found that person(s) yet, ask God to bring them into your life.

Second, God has given each of us the wonderful benefits of true forgiveness and blessing. Every person can forgive the wounds that have been perpetrated toward them. As long as unforgiveness remains there is a ball and chain tying you and that other person together. Unforgiveness gives the devil a foothold to harass you  in all different aspects of your life. It is part of the curse mentioned in Malachi…the breakdown of the family.

Forgiveness includes the canceling of a debt that is owed. It does not make light of the offenses hurt, evil, or harm. Rather, it looks honestly at the action and says something like this, “ I forgive you for hurting me with your words and actions. I felt anger and fear. I cancel the debt that I feel you have to make things even. Before you say you are sorry or even ask for forgiveness, I cut the cord of offense tying us together. God, as you have forgiven me, I ask that you help me forgive others. I don’t feel this, but Lord bless my offender. I choose this day to see the words forgiven over this experience and their lives.”

Feelings of forgiveness come later. The choice, the inner decision of “I will”, is yours to make. Take the first steps of forgiving by speaking it first. Then, allow the Holy Spirit to help you walk it out.

I spent a longer time on forgiveness, because the fruit of this experience is joy and peace in your life. It’s like scraping the old mess off the bottom of a pan and beginning to see a reflection again. Freedom to live and love always includes the ability to forgive and walk on into blessing of others.

Dad’s, be there for you children in word and deed. May God heal the wounds and scars from imperfect dad’s (that’s all of us). May God release His joy upon you as you live in the fruit of forgiving hurts.

Blessings’ Love y’all